Sending your child off to their first year of college can be intimidating, if not completely overwhelming. Almost all of the parents that I talk to say the same thing: “I just want my kid to be happy and enjoy their time.“

College is all about balance. It’s likely that for the first time in their life, your student is doing everything on their own. While schoolwork is a big part of that balance, a lot of the balance comes from other places as well. From doing laundry, to even just eating regularly, there are a lot of things that college students may be learning how to balance for the first time. I remember when I was a first year college student, it often felt like there wasn’t enough time in the day to do everything I needed or wanted to do. The best thing you can do is learn how to best support your student’s individual needs during their first semester and first year of college.

Celebrate Wins (both academically and not)

There’s nothing more helpful and encouraging than feeling like you have people behind you cheering you on. I think something that we forget to do is celebrate wins both big and small. Whether it’s acing a quiz, or getting a better grade on a paper than you thought you would, it’s important to celebrate these feats. There are also quite a few wins that happen outside of the classroom in the first year of college. Things like setting a schedule and sticking to it, or making new friends, are both worth celebrating. Having support from my family when I accomplished something in my first year of college did wonders for my confidence and motivation. Celebrating wins might look different in terms of what you consider celebrating, but even just verbal affirmations can go a long way. 

Prioritize Mental Health

This is something I cannot emphasize enough. Change can be hard on one’s mental health, and can also exacerbate pre-existing mental health conditions. While it’s understandable that you have expectations for academic success, I want to give a gentle reminder that there is nothing more important than your student’s mental health. If maintaining mental wellness means dropping a particularly stressful class, or deciding not to play a sport, then it’s important to do those things. Keep in mind that some people have a harder time communicating when their mental health is not at its best. Try to check in and let your student know that you’re here to support their mental wellness and help them secure happiness. There are also quite a few resources that you can share for additional support. While many schools (Chapman included) have mental health counselors, it’s worth noting that wait times are long and additional support may be needed. Psychology Today has a therapist search feature that lets you look up a provider based on your location and insurance information. Remind your student that there’s never any shame in asking for help.

Keep An Open Mind

What is college if not a time for self discovery? Your student might have entered university with a set major and academic plan (and maybe even a career plan). If you ask me, I think it’s sort of crazy that we expect 18-year-olds to know what they want to do for the rest of their life. I certainly did not know what I wanted to do at 18. In fact, I picked my major randomly from the drop-down list on the application, and although I stuck with it and it worked out for me, many people changed majors during their college career, sometimes even twice. It’s important to support your student, even if their goals change. College is all about finding yourself. Give your student the room and support to discover what they’re passionate about. Be flexible and recognize that the ideas about what they want to do will more than likely shift over the course of four years.

Check In Regularly, But Not Too Frequently 

Although I am at a point in my life now where I call my mom more than she calls me, I was once an 18-year-old who wanted my space. Check in regularly with your student, but try to give them the space needed for them to come into themselves. Most students don’t want mom calling every hour on the dot (even if I do). Set a weekly time to check in and your student will be more likely to let you in on all of the updates. Of course, mileage may vary. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. Before they leave, have that conversation. How often do you want to chat? Can we make it a goal to call/text at least once a day? Weekly phone call at a set time? Find what works for the both of you.

Let Them Fail

I understand wanting to intervene and know exactly what’s going on all of the time, but this is a great opportunity to take a step back. The urge to know everything is understandable. Did you get that essay done? Have you been studying for the math exam? Did you speak to your professor about improving your grade? While it can be helpful to know what’s going on, let your student take the reins on the majority. Don’t be afraid to let them fail (at some things). While I understand the urge to want to help with homework, it’s important for your student to be self-sufficient. If they are struggling with schoolwork, there are resources you can point them towards. Private tutoring and mentorship like what we offer at Professors Who Tutor can take the weight off your shoulders and ensure that your student is being held accountable academically. 

Take Things One Day At A Time

The best advice I can give for students and parents alike, is to plan ahead but take things day by day. There will be ups and downs and moments of stagnation, but take things moment by moment. Progress and success alike are not always linear. Don’t sweat the small stuff and remember there is always room for improvement. You’ve got this!